When Grief Anniversaries Hit Different: The Physical Truth About Trigger Dates

4 days ago
3 min read

When Grief Anniversaries Hit Different: The Physical Truth About Trigger Dates

June 21st is circled on my calendar in invisible ink – the kind only a grieving heart can see. My husband Scott would have been 48 this year. He never lived past 40.

Each birthday finds it a little easier to breathe, although when I feel these trigger dates creeping up on me, my body knows before my mind does. The increased fatigue that settles in my bones. The way I find myself sharing stories about lost loved ones more often, as if their memories are demanding to be heard. The irritability that surfaces without warning, like grief's way of protecting what's tender inside.

The "Moving On" Myth That Needs to Die

So many people shake their heads, wondering why I haven't "moved on" in seven years. But here's the raw truth they don't understand: I have moved forward. And in that moving, I've lost even more.

I've said goodbye to places Scott and I called home – each move a secondary loss, each packed box holding pieces of our shared life. I've watched decades-long friendships crumble because some people can't support you through grief; they treat it like it's contagious. I've loved again – deeply, completely – only to face more loss when timing and life conspired against us.

The Aftermath of Deep Love

Travis, my Chapter 2 love, taught me that hearts can expand to hold multiple loves without diminishing either. But heartbreak, broken hearts, and shattered dreams lie in the wake of such loving memories and unbreakable moments. Two loves that have taught me to propel forward even in the muddiest waters and longest days.

I find gratitude for having loved deeply twice – sharing a family and countless memories with one, and sharing the last of my teenage years, early twenties, and eventually my late forties with another. These weren't consolation prizes; they were gifts that shaped who I am today.

The waters are not always as rough as we expect, or we may feel like we are drowning until we try to stand.

The Physical Reality of Grief Waves

Your body remembers what your mind tries to forget. Those physical changes you feel as trigger dates approach? That's not weakness – that's your nervous system honoring what mattered. The fatigue, the emotional intensity, the way memories surface more frequently – these are all normal responses to anniversary grief.

You're not broken. You're not behind schedule. You're human, carrying love that transcends death, and that love deserves to be felt, honored, and expressed.

The journey lies before you. Take the first step in accepting the challenge

🌟 SAFE SPACE CHALLENGE #1: Honor Your Trigger Dates

This is the first in our Safe Space Challenge Series – a place where vulnerability meets healing, where your story matters, and where judgment has no place.

Your Challenge: Share one trigger date that affects you and how your body responds. It could be a birthday, death anniversary, holiday, or any date that holds significance. Tell us: