When Grief Lives in the Space Between Us: Navigating Family and Relationship Loss
- Karen Bulinski Mathison
- Sep 30
- 5 min read
Navigating through family and relationship grief can be overwhelming. That's not just a gentle acknowledgment—it's the raw truth that so many of us live with every single day.
When we think about grief, we often think about death. We think about funerals and obituaries and empty chairs at the dinner table. And yes, that grief is real and devastating and life-altering.
But there's another kind of grief that lives in the shadows, rarely acknowledged, seldom validated, and almost never given the space it deserves: the grief of fractured families, severed relationships, and connections that died long before anyone was buried.
The Grief No One Talks About
Family and relationship grief shows up in ways that catch us off guard:
The sibling who stopped calling after your loss because they didn't know what to say
The in-laws who chose sides, leaving you on the outside
The friends who disappeared when your grief lasted longer than their patience
The family members who couldn't handle your pain, so they cut you out entirely
The relationships that ended not with a bang, but with silence
The people you thought would show up who never did
The secondary losses that pile on top of your primary grief until you can barely breathe
This is disenfranchised grief. This is compounded grief. This is the kind of loss that society doesn't give you permission to mourn because "at least they're not dead."
But here's what I know after nearly eight years of walking this grief journey: the death of a relationship can feel just as devastating as the death of a person. Sometimes more so, because the person is still out there, living their life, just not with you in it.
Why Family and Relationship Grief Hits Differently
When someone dies, there's a finality to it. The relationship ended because it had to. There was no choice involved. But when a family member or friend chooses to walk away, when they decide you're too much or too broken or too inconvenient, that's a different kind of pain.
That's rejection wrapped in grief wrapped in confusion wrapped in anger wrapped in sadness.
You're left asking questions that have no good answers:
Why wasn't I worth staying for?
How could they abandon me when I needed them most?
Did our relationship ever really matter?
What did I do wrong?
Will I ever be able to trust anyone again?
And the worst part? You're grieving someone who's still alive. You might see their updates on social media. You might hear about them through mutual connections. You might run into them at family gatherings or community events. The wound never fully closes because it keeps getting reopened.
The Isolation of Relational Grief
One of the cruelest aspects of family and relationship grief is the isolation it creates. When you lose someone to death, people rally around you—at least for a little while. There are casseroles and cards and socially acceptable ways to acknowledge your pain.
But when you lose people because they chose to leave? There's no funeral. No memorial service. No public acknowledgment of what you've lost. You're expected to just move on, to be the bigger person, to forgive and forget.
And if you dare to speak about it? You risk being labeled as bitter, unforgiving, or unable to let go.
So you suffer in silence. You carry the weight of these fractured relationships alone. You wonder if anyone else understands what it's like to grieve people who are still breathing.
I'm here to tell you: you are not alone.
The Power of Connection and Community Support
At The Naked Grief, we believe in the power of connection and community support. Not the kind of community that tells you to get over it or move on or be grateful for what you have.
But the kind of community that says:
Your grief is valid, no matter what caused it
You are allowed to mourn relationships that ended, even if no one died
You don't have to forgive people who hurt you just because they're family
You are not obligated to maintain toxic relationships in the name of keeping the peace
Your pain matters, even if it's invisible to others
You deserve support, understanding, and compassion as you navigate this loss
Together, we can find healing and understanding. Not the kind of healing that erases the pain or pretends the loss didn't happen. But the kind of healing that acknowledges the wound, honors the grief, and helps us learn to carry it in ways that don't destroy us.
What Healing Looks Like
Healing from family and relationship grief doesn't mean:
Pretending it didn't hurt
Forcing reconciliation before you're ready (or ever)
Minimizing your pain to make others comfortable
Rushing through your grief on someone else's timeline
Becoming bitter or closed off to all future relationships
Healing does mean:
Acknowledging the loss and giving yourself permission to grieve it
Setting boundaries that protect your peace, even if others don't understand
Finding people who will hold space for your pain without trying to fix it
Recognizing that you can love someone and still choose not to have them in your life
Understanding that closure doesn't always come from the other person—sometimes you have to create it yourself
Learning to carry the grief in ways that allow you to still live, love, and connect with safe people
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
If you're navigating family and relationship grief right now, please know:
Your grief is real. It doesn't matter if the person is still alive. It doesn't matter if others think you should be over it by now. It doesn't matter if society doesn't give you permission to mourn. Your pain is valid.
You are not broken. You're not too sensitive, too dramatic, or too much. You're grieving. And grief is the most human, most holy response to loss.
You deserve support. You deserve people who will sit with you in the mess, who won't try to fix you or rush you or minimize your experience. You deserve a community that understands.
Healing is possible. Not the kind that erases the past or makes everything okay. But the kind that helps you learn to carry the weight, to find meaning in the pain, to build a life that honors both what you've lost and who you're becoming.
Join Us on This Journey
At The Naked Grief, we create space for all kinds of grief—including the grief that lives in the space between us and the people we once loved. We believe in raw, authentic healing. We believe in community that holds without judgment. We believe in the power of being seen, heard, and understood.
Whether you're grieving a death, a divorce, a friendship that ended, a family that fractured, or any other significant loss, you belong here. Your story matters. Your pain is real. And you don't have to walk this path alone.
Together, we can find healing and understanding. Together, we can learn to carry our grief in ways that don't destroy us. Together, we can build a community where all grief is acknowledged, all pain is validated, and all hearts are welcome.
Join us on this journey. 🌈❤️
If you're struggling with family or relationship grief and need support, explore our grief circles and coaching programs. We offer specialized support for all types of loss, including the losses that society often overlooks. You deserve a safe haven for your healing.
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