Weeding Your Grief Garden

Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is pull the weeds - in your yard and in your life.

Yesterday, I spent hours in my actual garden with my mom, pulling weeds that had grown wild from all the recent rain. As I worked, I realized something profound: tending to our physical gardens teaches us how to tend to our grief gardens too.

The Weeds We Don't See Coming

Just like those stubborn weeds that sprouted after the rain, grief has a way of revealing which relationships in our lives are actually choking out our healing. The holidays and trigger dates - like my recent wedding anniversary - have a brutal way of showing us who shows up and who doesn't.

Here's what I've learned the hard way: When we don't tend to the weeds in our grief garden, they grow out of control and reopen wounds we thought were healing.

The People Who Belong vs. The Ones Who Don't

After losing loved ones, I've had to make some painful realizations about the people in my world:

The Weeds (People Who Need to Go):

• Friends who treat your grief like it's contagious

• Family members who give you timelines for "getting over it"

• People who disappear when you need them most

• Those who make your healing about their comfort

The Garden Friends (People Who Belong):

• The ones who show up on your hardest days

• People who let you grieve at your own pace

• Those who understand that healing isn't linear

• Friends who help you pull weeds - literally and figuratively

Don't Be Afraid to Pull the Weeds

I know it's scary. After loss, we're already dealing with so much emptiness that removing more people feels impossible. But here's the truth: You can't grow healthy relationships in soil that's choked with weeds.

This applies to:

• Friends who drain your energy instead of supporting your healing

• Family who guilt you for not being "over it" yet

• Potential romantic partners who want you to hide your grief story

You Deserve Better

After what we've been through - the sleepless nights, the trigger dates, the waves of grief that knock us down - we deserve to be surrounded by people who choose to stay.

Not people who:

• Tolerate your grief

• Wait for you to "get back to normal"

• Love you despite your loss

But people who:

• Honor your journey

• Embrace your whole story - including the painful parts

• Choose to walk through the hard stuff with you

Making Room for What Matters

When you pull the weeds from your grief garden, you make room for:

• Relationships that can handle your authentic self

• People who see your strength, not just your pain

• Connections that grow stronger through adversity

• Love that doesn't require you to pretend you're fine

The Garden Grows Stronger

Just like my physical garden looked healthier after removing those choking weeds, your grief garden will flourish when you surround yourself with the right people.

Your healing path stays healthy and strong when you:

• Choose quality over quantity in relationships

• Set boundaries with people who drain you

• Make space for those who truly want to be there

• Remember that you deserve nothing less than authentic support

A Final Thought

Surviving holidays and trigger dates isn't just about getting through the day - it's about creating a life surrounded by people who help you tend your garden, not people who let the weeds grow wild.

Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. After everything we've survived, we've earned the right to be choosy about who gets to stay in our garden.

What weeds do you need to pull from your grief garden? Remember: every weed you remove makes room for something beautiful to grow.