International Widow's Day

The Grief That Society Doesn't Understand

June 23rd - A Day to Honor the Journey No One Prepares You For

Today marks International Widow's Day, and I want to speak directly to every widow and widower reading this: Your grief is valid. Your journey is sacred. And you are not alone.

The Invisible Grief

When my husband suffered a brain aneurysm in 2018, I thought I understood what grief would look like. I was wrong. Widowhood isn't just losing your spouse - it's losing your identity, your future plans, your daily routines, and often, your social connections too.

What they don't tell you about becoming a widow is that you don't just grieve your person-you grieve the life you built together, the dreams you shared, and the version of yourself that existed in that partnership.

The Compounding Nature of Widow Grief

Widow grief is rarely simple or singular. In my journey, my husband's death was just the beginning:

• I lost friends who didn't know how to handle my grief

• I had to relocate, losing my community and support system

• I faced the challenge of rebuilding an entire identity from scratch

• I navigated the complex emotions of eventually finding love again with my last love, only to lose him too

Each loss compounds the others. This is what I call "compounding grief" - when losses stack upon each other, creating a more complex healing journey than society expects or understands.

The Myths Society Tells Us About Widowhood

Myth 1: "You'll move on"

Truth: You don't move on. You learn to carry your love in new ways while building a different life.

Myth 2: "Time heals all wounds"

Truth: Time doesn't heal - intentional grief work does. Time just gives you more practice carrying the weight.

Myth 3: "You should be grateful for the time you had"

Truth: Gratitude and grief can coexist, but you don't owe anyone gratitude as a way to minimize your pain.

Myth 4: "You're strong - you'll be fine"

Truth: Strength isn't about being fine. It's about learning to be not fine and still choosing to keep living.

What Widows Really Need

After walking this path and now supporting others through it, here's what I've learned widows actually need:

Permission to Grieve Differently

Your grief doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Some days you'll cry. Some days you'll laugh. Some days you'll feel nothing at all. All of it is normal.

Understanding of Secondary Losses

Widowhood brings losses beyond your spouse: social connections, financial security, parenting support, daily companionship, and future dreams. Each deserves acknowledgment.

Space for Complicated Emotions

You might feel relief alongside devastation. Anger mixed with love. Guilt about moving forward. These contradictions aren't wrong - they're human.

Community That Gets It

The most healing thing I've found is connecting with others who truly understand this journey. There's something powerful about being witnessed by people who don't need you to explain or justify your experience.

The Unexpected Gifts

While I would never minimize the pain of widowhood, I've also discovered unexpected gifts in this journey:

• A deeper appreciation for authentic relationships

• Clarity about what truly matters

• Resilience I never knew I possessed

• The ability to hold space for others in profound pain

• A spiritual connection that transcends physical presence

These gifts don't make the loss "worth it" - they're simply evidence of the human capacity to find meaning in the midst of devastation.

To My Fellow Widows

On this International Widow's Day, I want you to know:

Your grief has no timeline. Don't let anyone rush you through this process.

Your love continues. Death ends a life, not a relationship.

Your healing is possible. Not healing back to who you were, but healing forward to who you're becoming.

Your story matters. Your experience, your pain, your growth - it all has value and meaning.

To Those Who Love a Widow

The best gift you can give a grieving widow is your presence without pressure. Show up consistently. Don't try to fix or rush. Just witness their journey with compassion.

Remember that grief anniversaries, holidays, and unexpected moments will always be difficult. Your continued support matters more than you know.

Moving Forward

At The Naked Grief, we understand that widowhood is not a problem to be solved but a journey to be supported. We provide a safe space where you can be raw with your grief, explore your complicated emotions, and find community with others who truly understand.

Because sometimes the most healing thing we can do is stop pretending we're okay and start being honest about how hard this really is.

The path forward, isn't always clear or straight.

The path forward, isn't always clear or straight.

If you're walking the widow journey, you don't have to walk it alone.

Karen Bulinski Mathison is a certified grief coach, death doula, and founder of The Naked Grief. Having navigated her own journey through widowhood and compounded loss, she now supports others in finding their path through grief to healing. Learn more about our RAW Experience Circle and grief support services at thenakedgrief.com.