The Grief Backpack - The Forever Accessory

Choosing What to Carry

How to Pack Your Permanent Companion for the Journey Ahead

Grief is a permanent accessory. It's the backpack you can never take off, the constant companion that walks with you through every season of life. But here's what I've learned after carrying my own grief backpack for over seven years: you get to choose what you pack in it.

The Backpack You Can't Remove

When my husband died, I felt like someone had strapped a hundred-pound backpack to my shoulders and told me I'd be wearing it for the rest of my life. The weight was crushing. Every step felt impossible. I couldn't understand how people expected me to function, to work, to parent, to live with this enormous burden on my back.

What I didn't realize then was that the backpack itself wasn't the problem - it was what I was packing in it.

Two Ways to Fill the Same Space

Imagine two identical backpacks, both filled to the brim. One is packed with rocks, broken glass, and heavy chains. The other is filled with feathers, photographs, and love letters. Both backpacks are completely full, but one feels impossible to carry while the other feels manageable, even comforting.

This is the choice we face with grief. We can fill our backpack with:

The Heavy Load:

• Regret over things left unsaid

• Anger at the unfairness of loss

• Guilt over moments we weren't perfect

• Resentment toward others who still have their person

• Bitterness about dreams that will never come true

• Self-blame for not preventing the loss

Or The Light Load:

• Memories of laughter shared

• Stories that make you smile

• Lessons they taught you

• Love that continues beyond death

• Gratitude for the time you had

• Their voice encouraging you forward

The Repacking Process

I'm not suggesting this repacking happens overnight. For months after my husband's death, my backpack was filled with the heaviest materials imaginable. I carried rage, regret, and raw pain everywhere I went. The weight was so crushing that some days I couldn't get out of bed.

But slowly, with intention and support, I began to repack.

I didn't throw away the difficult emotions - they had their place and their purpose. But I started making room for other things too. I added a photo of my husband laughing at one of his own terrible jokes. I packed the memory of him teaching our boys to ride bikes. I included the way he used to make me coffee every morning, even when we were fighting.

The Surprising Discovery

Here's what shocked me: the backpack didn't get lighter because it had less in it. It got lighter because I changed what I was carrying.

The space my husband's death created in my life was the same size regardless of what I filled it with. But filling it with love instead of bitterness, with gratitude instead of regret, with connection instead of isolation - that changed everything about how it felt to carry.

When my last love Died - Repacking Again

When I lost my last love, I had to repack again. This time I knew I had a choice, but the knowledge didn't make it easier. The temptation was to fill the new space with all the heavy things:

• Anger that I'd lost love twice

• Fear that I was cursed to lose everyone I cared about

• Regret over the time we spent apart

• Bitterness about the future we'd planned but would never have

But I also knew I could choose differently. I could pack:

• The joy of having loved deeply twice in one lifetime

• Gratitude that my last love helped me learn to love again after my husband's death

• The beautiful memory of our 31-year love story

• The way he encouraged me to honor my husband while opening my heart

The Daily Choice

Every day, I have to choose what to pack in my grief backpack. Some days I still throw in some heavy rocks - anger, sadness, longing. But I've learned to balance them with lighter things - love, memory, hope, purpose.

The backpack is still there. It will always be there. But it no longer feels like it's going to crush me.

Your Packing List

If you're carrying a grief backpack, here are some questions to consider:

What are you currently packing?

• What emotions dominate your grief experience?

• What thoughts do you carry about your loss?

• What stories do you tell yourself about what happened?

What could you repack?

• What beautiful memories could you make more room for?

• What lessons from your loved one could you carry forward?

• What love could you pack alongside the pain?

What deserves space?

• Both the difficult and the beautiful deserve room in your backpack

• You don't have to choose only light things - balance is key

• Some heavy items (like sadness) honor your love and belong in the pack

The Ongoing Journey

Repacking your grief backpack isn't a one-time event. It's an ongoing process. Some days you'll need to carry more of the heavy things - and that's okay. Other days you'll be able to focus on the lighter load.

The goal isn't to eliminate the weight entirely. The goal is to carry your grief in a way that honors your love while allowing you to keep living.

You're Not Alone on This Journey

At The Naked Grief, we understand that everyone's backpack looks different. We're here to help you:

• Identify what you're currently carrying

• Learn healthy ways to process the heavy emotions

• Discover how to make room for love alongside loss

• Find community with others who understand the weight

• Develop skills for repacking when life adds new losses

Because here's what I want you to know: you get to choose what you carry. The backpack is permanent, but its contents are up to you.

Your grief will always be with you, but it doesn't have to crush you. With intention, support, and time, you can learn to pack it in a way that honors your love while allowing you to move forward.

The journey continues, but you don't have to carry the weight alone.

If you're struggling with what to pack in your grief backpack, our RAW Experience Circle provides ongoing support and practical tools for learning to carry your loss with both honesty and hope.